Minutes of the Committee of Dark and Nefarious Creatures
Present: The Grasping Hands Under Your Bed (GH), The Phantom of the Wardrobe (PW) The Little Men from the Toybox (LM), Sleep Paralysis Tony (SPT), The Tooth Demon (TD) and The Curtain Witch (CW)
Apologies: The Ceiling Monkeys (CM)
The minutes of the last meeting were accepted.
Item 1: The campaign against night lights is in its second month and progress has been slow but steady. For the following six months we will continue with the social media rumours that they damage eyesight. Following this, if insufficient progress has been made, CW will use her contacts at the Daily Mail to secure a front page headline that night lights cause cancer.
SPT asked for it to be noted that increased bedroom light causes more REM sleep and therefore it is in his interests that night lights are not removed from bedrooms. GH responded by strangling him. The Committee acknowledges SPT’s objection but the motion that SPT should go and fuck himself was passed unanimously.
Item 2: TD presented her report with the current accounts and financial projections for next year. The sale of teeth for arcane practices remains our strongest source of income and we are grateful for TD’s ongoing work in this area.
Item 3: PW presented his paper on his ongoing project to persuade pharmaceutical companies to add powerful hallucinogens to over the counter medicines, beginning with Calpol. So far, this has met with limited success. PW will continue his outreach to the various employees at Johnson & Johnson, via their worst nightmares, and the Committee will discuss this again at our next meeting.
AOB: CW enquired of SPT as to why he would agree that he should go and fuck himself. She asked for it to be noted that she herself very much believes that SPT should go and fuck himself, but is nonetheless concerned about his agreement with this position. She reminded SPT that the counselling service provided by Evil Psychotherapy, Interventions and Counselling is available at all times.
The next meeting will be held at midnight on the full moon, in Kevin Hurst’s bedroom, because that little shit deserves a good scare.