Inktober 23/10/19: Ancient

Dear Amelia

Marjorie is getting on my last nerve over here. She keeps talking about how Patrick is Californian – like the rest of us aren’t. I pointed that out to her and she said that we’re not all Californian. Some of us are in Nevada, she said. You’re not, I said. That’s not the point, she said. Some of us are, which makes all the difference and means that while they are Californians, we are giants. Well, if you want to termitepick about this, Patrick’s species goes all the way up to British Columbia, I said. Do you know what she told me? She said that all that tells us is that they can’t even get being Californian right, which is exactly the kind of failure she expects from someone as useless as Patrick. And he looks like a lollipop anyway. Well, I was really quite upset with her. I said it doesn’t matter if Patrick looks like a lollipop, he’s a nicer tree than she’ll ever be. Then she shut up but of course that barely lasted a year and she was right back to it: Patrick needs to understand that when anyone talks about sequoias, they’re talking about us, she said. He shouldn’t get ideas above his station.

Ideas above his station? I said. He’s 300ft tall and lives on a mountain. How high does his station need to be? Of course she has an answer to everything. She said he shouldn’t be on the mountain at all, he should have stayed down on the coast with his own kind. Well I just about exploded at her right then and there, Amelia. I was so angry, I damn near burst into flames, but I didn’t, and that’s as well because nobody needs the seeds to come out of her cones, I can tell you. Can you imagine a world full of baby Marjories, going on like she does before they’ve even seen out their first century?

I’ll tell you why she cares. She wants to be down with the youth. That’s what it is: that’s why all these absurd slang terms of the minute: California and Nevada and lollipops! I can’t keep up, the way things are going. She just wants to feel young.

Anyway. That’s enough of my grumbling. I hope the family are okay. I was very excited to hear about Alan making that exchange program to Scotland. I hear Europe is all the rage these days. My old grandma used to talk about the land over to the north west, and how some of the family had been over that way, and much, much further, but that was all before the Bering Land Bridge flooded over. Pass on my love to Ned, as well. I hope he calms down but that awkward childhood growth spurt is always an emotional time. He’ll calm down at a hundred years or a hundred feet – whichever comes first. Stay calm with him and make sure he gets his nitrates.

Love always,


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