(I did write this one on schedule, but I forgot to post it yesterday. Curses!)
OK! Phew! Well, I’ve never done this dating profile thing before, but then I suppose none of us have, so… I’ll dive in.
About me: I’m 17 years old. You are also 17 years old. We’re all 17. I just thought I’d get that bit out the way. I’m 3cm long (and that’s not “internet centimetres,” ladies!) and I have a black body, red eyes and big veiny orange wings. Now you may say that we all look like that, but I’ve figured out a thing or two about loving and I’m ready to share it.
About you: you’re a gorgeous 17-year-old chick-ada who wants to get wild and free with a guy who can treat you right. You’re fed up with being underground, drinking xylem every night, waiting for your prince to show. Now you’ve had enough, you’ve cast off that old exoskeleton, you’ve got a shiny new one and you are out there to LIVE, baby!
I know how to give a girl a good time, and I’m just looking for somebody to love. Is that you? Of course it is. Let’s hook up, baby. I’ve got something wild to offer you and that thing is….
Are you horny yet, ladies?
By the way, if you’re a katydid who just wants to eat me, I’m not interested. However sexy your clicking turns out to be. Move on, sister. This boy’s gonna die in four to six weeks and lovin’s all I got time to do right now.