Look, I’m not saying that they’re high art, but people like the blowjob frescoes, you know? They make you smile. You’ve been working hard all day, you’re sweaty and dusty and you’ve got aches in every muscle. So you go on down to the baths, you shove your clothes in the basket next to the picture of the girl sitting on someone’s face, and you think: at least someone’s having a good day, even if she’s not real.
I’ve never taken a day off sick, and I’ve never taken a day off because a bloody great big mountain just exploded either. Where are all those fancy toga rich bastards now, eh? In their other villas in Rome is where. The others got simultaneously burned and suffocated with searing hot ash and they just gave up. Is that the spirit that grows an empire? I ask you.
I have to admit it did stop me for a little bit, this ash. Well, it’s not much fun. And when you’re an artist, like me – and Marius can fuck off with his smirks there – you need to be able to see. Which is hard when you’re covered in 20ft of ash. But after you’ve got through the annoying death part, it’s not so bad. You can move and see through the ash, and you get the ghost version of town, which is frankly better because there aren’t so many posh gits in it.
We get on pretty well down here, and we keep busier than you’d think. Marius is a baker – now *that* is a pointless job. Shut up, Marius. It’s pointless and you know it. Every time you bake some new bread, the city just turns it straight into another blackened brick. It’s a good thing none of us need to eat anymore, because we’re not getting anything good down here. At least there’s some kind of point (hur hur) to an artistically-rendered hunky guy sandwiched between another hunky guy and a lovely lady strumpet of the worst kind. It makes the schoolkids titter and embarrasses their teachers, so it’s brilliant. So Marius can suck my hot hairy member, and I bet he’d love it.
Wait… you didn’t think that we’ve been sitting down here doing nothing for two thousand years? How lazy do you think we are? You thought those eighty loaves of bread were baked all the way back then? Marius knocked that lot up barely a day before they were excavated. I’m still moving through the bits of town you haven’t found yet, adding my, er, mark, to the walls.
Yeah, you just wait. They’ve not even found the really filthy stuff yet.