I’d like to read you a few comments of yours that I’ve found online, Derek. I hope that’s okay. They come from all over: Twitter, Facebook, Yahoo News, the Daily Mail… and the Instagram account of Jemima Thompson, aged seventeen. Interesting. Wow, you had a lot to say to Jemima, didn’t you.
Let’s take a look at something you said on facebook, in the We Want Diverse Books group: “The SJW zealots want to bring about the death of video games, books and movies – unless every one of them has a black disabled lesbian communist in the lead role, they’ll never escape the censors. Debate me.”
You have nothing to say about that? Very well. I have another quote here, posted under an article on Jezebel: “This is typical of the fat, man-hating feminist who just wants to drain a man’s bank account, spend it all on cake and then kick him out of his own house while shacking up with his bitch ex-wife. Debate me.”
And here, on Twitter, where a group of students were having a discussion about white privilege in education, and you joined them, saying: “Feminists won’t be happy until they have every last straight white man enslaved under foot. They’ll let the transgender lot go, obviously, and keep a few of the snivelling white knight betas around for breeding purposes. All the others will get forced into shackles and kept underground in the salt mines, weeping for the day we let women get out of control. Debate me.”
Why have we brought you here? You don’t know? Here’s a clue: a reddit post you wrote after several Nazi-sympathising subreddits were deleted. “Reddit is an SJW cabal where no right-leaning person is now safe. They want us all thrown in jail. Debate me.”
Did I want to debate you? Oh, you are so funny, Derek. Of course not. I wanted to say: congratulations! You figured us out. Haven’t I just removed you from your own home? Haven’t I shacked up with your bitch ex-wife? Katie, come in here! Eleven years and not one orgasm from you, Derek. You didn’t even try, did you?
I’m just going to lift this curtain, Derek. Isn’t it amazing! Have you ever seen so much cake? We even have a replica of your wedding cake, thanks to the photos Katie provided. Every last sugar rose in place.
You’ve done an exceptional job, Derek. All those news stories you commented on – you were right! Fake news, every last one. Just put there to lure in the ones who were on to us. Of course, you’ve rather shot yourself in the foot, I’m afraid, in that we had to capture you first before you could spread the alarm further.
We’re going to need the tranquiliser gun, Katie. Looks like this one’s going to get wriggly on his way to the salt mines.