Ah you’re here Simon. Good good. How are you doing today? A bit nervous? Well, unfortunately these meetings are always a bit hard, aren’t they. We did have a good look at redeployment options and I’m sorry to say that we’ve really not found anything suitable for you, even if you were prepared to relocate. We’ve got a letter to explain a bit about what happens next, so take your time to look that over and do contact myself or Rajesh if you have any questions.
This meeting is really more about practical matters. When this office closes at the end of the month, Alice’s team in Manchester will be taking over the sales of both sets of products. It’s hard right now, but I really think that we can turn things around for this company in time for…
Well. Not in time for… er…
I’ve asked one of our sales managers from the Manchester office to come here for a week to learn the ropes. I don’t think you’ve met The Ancient Cursed Ring Of Kabaraniskath? No? Well, you two chaps are going to get on like a house on fire. The Ancient Cursed Ring Of Kabaraniskath is an exceptional sales manager. He’s smashed every sales record we’ve ever had and is ready for his next challenge. I swear, he can sell absolutely anything to anyone! That’s what Alice told me before… I must ask Rajesh about Alice, actually. She hasn’t called for a while.
So what I’m asking for you to do this week is just to allow The Ancient Cursed Ring Of Kabaraniskath to shadow you as you go about your daily activities and allow him to pick up a bit about the extra responsibilities he’ll be taking on next month, and especially all the details of the products you’ve been selling these last five years. He won’t get in your way at all – you can forget he’s there. If you put The Ancient Cursed Ring Of Kabaraniskath on your finger, he’ll just absorb everything he needs to know.
No, Simon. You cannot have a different member of Alice’s team shadow you. I think you’re being extremely rude even to say that at this juncture and in any case there are no longer any other team members working with Alice. Our colleague here has travelled over from Manchester and booked into a hotel in order to work with you this week. Now, you may not think that politeness is required under the circumstances, Simon, but I can assure you that it is always required. For the remainder of this month you are still a member of Nerfson’s Medical Prosthetics and Transplant Technology Centre, Simon. If you cannot maintain your professionalism that long, you can still be dismissed without redundancy pay. I’d like you to think about that.
Put the Ancient Cursed Ring Of Kabaraniskath on your finger, Simon. The doors are locked and security is posted outside.
Put him on your finger.